Screw cremation.
When I die, my instructions to my family will be to order a keg of beer for my funeral guests and about 500,000 Black Soldier Fly Larvae.
This way, funeral guests can watch in a mixture of horror, amusement, and admiration during the quickest decomposition of my body that nature can offer.
But until then, we’ll have to settle for seeing how BSFL destroy – or at least try to destroy – various food items.
Warning: If you’re disturbed by videos of innocent food getting demolished, then maybe sit this one out.
BSFL vs. a Hamburger
Elapsed Time: 5 Hours
Winner: BSFL by Knockout
I’m not sure if this is a Big Mac or a Whopper, but these 4,500 BSFL are definitely “lovin’ it” and “having it their way.” The way they de-layer the burger reminds me of how I dismember an Oreo before I devour it. Absolutely amazing.
BSFL vs. Banana
Elapsed Time: 12 hours
Winner: BSFL by decision
No monkey business here! It takes them awhile, but eventually the BSFL really spread the wealth around by splitting this banana right down the middle.
BSFL vs. Pineapple
Elapsed Time: 3 hours
Winner: Pineapple*
By the end of this 3-hour battle, you can almost hear the pineapple slices taunting the 12,500 BSFL like Rocky did to Clubber Lang in Rocky III. “You ain’t so bad! You ain’t so nothin’!”
Pineapple for the win!
*Well as it turns out, a Youtube commenter points out that pineapple contains an enzyme called bromelain, which BSFL might find irritating. So the decision goes to the pineapple, but we are adding the asterisk because we’re not sure it’s a fair fight!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EyF8aA_A9E
BSFL vs Twinkies
Elapsed Time: 2 1/2 hours
Winner: BSFL by decision after 12 rounds
Like the 300 Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae, these sponge cakes held out for longer than expected under the onslaught of the 12,000-BSFL horde commanded by King Xerxes (he’s in there somewhere, trust me!). But in the end, the Twinkies were no match.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySsDWvtwaWE
BSFL vs 2 Fish
Elapsed Time: 23 hours
Decision: BSFL by TKO
These 5,000 BSFL aren’t going to be talking about “the one that got away.” In this case, they’ll be bragging about destroying two water monsters, quickly dispatching the one on the right with extreme prejudice before concentrating on their efforts on the left one. You can tell they wanted the Rainbow Trout to feel at home in their death trap by recreating the wave-like undulations of whatever body of water they came from.
If you’re interested in BSFL and what they can do, I recommend the following books available from my friends Larry J. Shier and Quoc-Huy Dihn Nguyen.
